The Hopeless Search of a Swedish Muslim

Opens Muzmatch. Let’s see what today has to offer. Eyes automatically look at the lower right corner: “Always prays.” Alright let’s look at the profile Bismillah. Holding breath. “Not willing to relocate abroad.”

Sigh.

Repeat.

I think I can safely state that it generally is not easy for Muslim women to approach men for marriage “in real life”. Muzmatch is definitely a safe space and the fact that it is so easy to use, especially for those leading busy lives, makes all other similar services dull in comparison. Yet for those of us not living in the UK or the US, it’s extremely hard finding suitable matches. Many of us women who do not take the brave step in marrying someone with a different ethnic background end up moving abroad, but that’s not an alternative for everybody.

During my search for Mr. Right, I’ve come across many who had no idea there were Muslims in Sweden, and “did I migrate here or am I born here?”. To be completely honest, this ignorance baffles me. There are Muslims and Asians all over Europe, and have been for ages – how is this news to some people? And no, not all of us migrated here in our adult lives; thousands of us were born and bred in countries all over Western Europe.

So many people find it difficult to find suitable matches in their vicinity – why not look abroad? What’s the worst that could happen? At the very least, you get to know about the cultures of other European Muslims. But writing restrictions on your profile like “UK/US citizens only please” feels highly discouraging – especially for those that are actually willing to move to the English-speaking superpowers. So many of the profiles suggested to me by the app show adventurous people that love traveling, yet marrying someone from a different place is not an option.

Frustration level: skipping the cardio for a tube of Pringles because I ain’t finding him anytime soon.

This is not something exclusive for the Muzmatch app. Whatever app or website you use for these purposes, you’ll see that the majority of the users are clustered in certain areas of the world. That leaves the rest of us stranded, scattered all over the world in hopelessness. Add to that being a female over 25 (which aunty-wisdom claims as the expiry date for us), and your Google search history lists things like “how to get a cat if you’re allergic”.

I say enough is enough. Something needs to be done about this, and so this is my attempt in highlighting us – Muslims, Asians, etceteras, living in other parts of Europe – maybe by reading this little post you will widen your search filters and at least read some profiles and see what the world has to offer.

Opens Muzmatch. “Always prays.” Alright Bismillah…

 

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6 thoughts on “The Hopeless Search of a Swedish Muslim

  1. Nice to see you writing again, enjoyable post as always ^^
    Btw, I dont see why you had to delete the last post “Scarecrow”, it was very…. genuine

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    1. Thank you. When I created this blog (I had another one before), I did it with the ambition to not post too many rants and ramblings… I feel that ruins the quality of the blog overall. But I seemed to fall into the same old pattern, so as I returned to write that Muzmatch post, I decided to get rid of some of that junk.

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    1. Thank you! And thank you for reading :).

      I think keeping the hope in a moderate level is wiser at this point… keeping hope high takes a lot of energy as one keeps getting disappointed over and over again :-/.

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  2. I think your experience is generally valid from both genders. I was recently talking to a Swedish Bangladeshi girl through a matrimonial website. And I thought we were getting along fine. And then one day she just says, I can’t move to the US. To me that’s kind of the equivalence of the Bangladeshi equivalent of saying that “I won’t move out of my parents house, and you must come and live as a GhorJamai”.

    I think it’s definitely a trend. Which is odd considering the fact that our parents took such a leap of faith in moving to a completely new world without any guarantees. And now the next generation is so rooted in their adoptive culture that they aren’t even willing to make significantly lesser risks in marrying someone that isn’t from their small corner of the world.

    My only criterion is that I don’t want to live in any one place for the rest of my life. Which in it self is probably a side effect of bieng a first generation immigrant.

    Gooduck in your search. I would suggest that you should revisit your posts and try and see if you haven’t dug a few personal trenches yourself. 😉

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    1. Hello and thank you for reading my blog :).

      Sure, it wasn’t gender specific… if it came across that way, it’s only because my personality seeps through my writing.

      I don’t understand why moving to another country is equals to being a “ghor jamai”. Unless she actually wanted you to live with your in-laws?

      In my case it’d be problematic to move, but not impossible. It depends on which country. I can’t say moving outside of Europe is a realistic option for me, but then again most of the matches I get are from the UK.

      I don’t particularly like this mentality that the girl is the one who has to move. We see that whenever the guy lives “back home”, it’s expected for him to move to Europe or America or whatever it is, but otherwise it’s the girl that has to move. I think couples should look at who gains/loses more moving, and thus decide.

      Good luck on your search as well, and keep commenting!

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