I know I’ve mentioned this a few times before, but when I started blogging on WordPress several years ago, I was a different person. I’ve changed throughout the years, sometimes even from one month to another. Sometimes I’ve regressed, but maybe, in shaa Allāh, the overall trend shows progress. The reason I’m mentioning this again is because maybe most of my readers – or at least most of the people that comment and like on this blog – are from my “old circles” here on WordPress. Thus maybe, the nature of my present posts won’t be to your liking… as I’m not the same person you followed years back anymore. Therefore, please don’t feel forced to continue following this blog. The whole change, getting a new title and url etc, reflects who I am today. So yes, there are going to be a lot of Islamic elements in it. But if you’re cool with that, then I’m glad. Maybe, in shaa Allāh, some of my words may even inspire you.

So those close to me, or those following me on social med… actually most people that know me LOL, know that for some time now I’ve been trying to find a husband. They also know that I’m struggling as there are so few Bengalis where I live – and even less practicing Muslim ones. Anyway… what I doubt anybody knows, is why it’s so important for me to get married.

In the beginning, it was all about having a soulmate: a partner in life, companionship, someone you could tell everything to and travel the world with. After a while, seeing my brothers and sisters-in-law with their sons etc, it wasn’t so much the husband as the whole concept of family that started to attract me. And I don’t mean in the “babies are so cute” sense (I’ve learned that they aren’t always. My nephews are quite a handful), I mean the whole package: a home, cooking, dinners together, day to day activities, dawats etc etc.

Eventually even that lost some of its significance, and what took its place is something much more profound and consequently something that makes it even harder for me to find a man.

I want to get married so I can reach Jannah.

In Islam,  marriage is said to be half our deen (and that’s without it being obligatory!). Your spouse may very well be your ticket to Jannah. Having someone who’s good-looking, or rich, or famous, will give you pleasure in this life; but having someone who’s pious, will give you eternal bliss in the Hereafter in shaa Allāh. And I’m a struggling Muslim. I had to learn a lot on my own and don’t have the luxury of a very practicing family with Islamic traditions at home etc. But I want it. I want a home that grows out of Islamic principles. Because I’m a struggling Muslim, the right kind of companion, I believe, will keep me on my toes. Because sometimes we need something tangible to help push us towards the spiritual.

The sad part about it is that as soon as I learned this, I realized that finding someone will now be ten times harder. But at the same time, I’ve quit despairing alhamdulillah. I make du’a to Allāh subhaanahu wa ta’ala for a husband as such, and in shaa Allāh when it is time, He will answer my du’a. In the meantime, I have other things to keep me occupied.

So the next time you hear me ranting about not finding a man – you know why!