We moved the last of our furniture two days ago, and today was probably the last day I was in the place I’ve called home for the past eight years. Where I grew up, in Tensta, we lived for ten years. And I’m 26 years old, so Tensta and Rädisvägen have been important places in the foundation of me. Also, much has happened in Rädisvägen.

We left it rather unceremoniously. My brothers rented my uncle’s van and three men from his shop to help move the stuff, and because we only had the van for that day we had to move everything then. So it felt very sudden… even though we’ve been preparing for months. Looking at those empty rooms felt… wrong somehow. They were stripped of their purpose. In the end, we didn’t take our shoes off when entering anymore and there was dirt everywhere on the floor. Here are some pictures of our old home.

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The sofa has been moved to this new home; my younger brother’s place. But where it had been before, we used to nap, the kids would spill food, Rayan would climb on top of me, Lillan would sit beside me watching cartoons (Eron isn’t much of a sofa person, he prefers carpets).

But the biggest challenge of all of course, will be to make a home without Rayan and Lillan. Nobody shouts “hej fuppi” as soon as I come home anymore. And the worst part is that all those memories will be stored in my mind, but forgotten in theirs. If I’m lucky, Rayan may remember small fragments (he’s four).

I have always dreamt of being my nephews’ confidante. Will I be able to still, from far away? From weekendly visits?

I know I should be glad; I finally have my own room with a door that I can close (which I actually feel guilty of doing 😕 ) and the peace and quiet needed to be able to study at home. This proves more than anything that material satisfaction is nothing compared to the satisfaction of companionship. I still have Eron though, and in shaa Allah our relationship will improve (he’s angry with me today for some reason, won’t let me touch him) and he will grow and start to communicate soon.

And who knows… maybe Allah has something new in store for all of us in our new homes. In shaa Allah.

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