On Coming Home

When we go abroad for like a week or so, coming home doesn’t feel too bad. If it’s in the winter and we go to a warm country, of course I miss the weather. The food and the possibility to just relax and not be attached to anything that’s related to daily life are other things I miss. But coming home from Bangladesh is different. The trips there are much longer, so long that your body and maybe even part of your mind starts to feel as if that is home.

This time though, things were a bit different for me. I’ve never been away from all three of my nephews for so long, so I missed them and missed not being able to see all the new things they keep learning to do every day. And I’m glad I had that. That was a reminder for me that where I was was not really my home… that in a while I will return to the place where they are, where my job is, where my university is.

Bangladesh and Sweden are not only two different countries, but more like two different worlds. The chaos of the prior and the order of the latter are immensely striking contrasts that no movie will ever be able to capture. My ears have been ringing since yesterday from the silence in this place. Really… it feels like I could hear a needle hit the ground.

The proportions of the rooms looked different yesterday, and everything looked impeccably clean. And it was weird because I know that’s not how our house usually looks. I’m not saying it’s dirty, but the cleanliness my eyes saw was on a hospital level. The whites in Bangladesh and the whites in Sweden are not the same. Today everything looks a bit more normal, but my mind and body still has not been able to settle 100 %. And tomorrow I start working…

The thought of going back to work is quite depressing. I wish I had more time to just be and get used to this place again before I need to actually go outside. The worst part is the chaotic state my room is in right now. I haven’t unpacked, simply thrown things here and there… and things were already disorganized, courtesy of my little rugrats. I don’t know if I’ll have the energy to take care of all that today. I went to bed around 8:30 pm yesterday and got up like 12 hours later. Oh well…

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