This is a time when they ask, but I don’t answer. And not answering has become a habit. I don’t want to answer because I don’t want people to try to help me. Nobody can. I’m not facing a problem that can be solved. I’m blue and cannot talk it away… because there is no reason for me to feel like this, and there’s all the reason in the world.
Independence is something young adults take pride in when they achieve it… but the older you grow the more it burdens you. Eventually it can be broken down into two parts; loneliness + responsibility. You might live in a family, meaning not alone, and have responsibilities – yet you feel lonely.
I have lost the ability to open up to people. I’m scared that people have lost the will to care; that they’ve stopped being observant. In younger days when I thought I was lonely, I was this shy little kid who nobody noticed. Today, I am noticed… but oh am I lonely. It’s been such a long time since I was mentally dissected. Been so long since somebody cared to provoke me. Maybe I’m returning to that invisible state. Maybe I’m losing the grip of imagination and am turning into a machine.