A Longer Update

Never in my life have I been as busy as I am right now. I’m studying full-time and working approximately ten percent as a study coach. On top of all this, I’ll be working full-time one month during the winter break at Sweden Post Stamps (my old/regular job)… actually even before the winter break starts… which means that there will be a period when I’ll be studying and working two jobs all at once! Yes there are moments when I feel the stress, and then there are moments when I don’t. During the moments I don’t feel the stress, I worry and wonder why I don’t. I’m one of those people who don’t realize how bad it is until it gets me physically. I’m still wondering if I should take the little spots I saw dancing at the periphery of my vision a while ago as a warning sign or not…

I spend most of my time in the subway. I remember when I first started working at Sweden Post Stamps last winter and complained about having to take the bus (I hate buses!), and how I missed the subway. Now it’s all just… trains, waiting time, and people everywhere.

All this traveling has made me realize how the busyness right now is all about going somewhere. Why am I this busy? Why have I taken so much on? I feel like I’m working towards something but I’m not entirely sure what. At times I’m scared that in the end I will have returned to where I started and it will all have been a waste of time and effort. But then I think about how much I learn everyday and how it’s actually about the journey and not so much about the destination. What is the destination anyway? Life doesn’t stop until it does, with death. If you keep moving, naturally you will end up somewhere. Even if you return to where you were in the beginning, you will return as a new person. But if you don’t move, if you stand still in life, you’re not going to get anywhere. And that’s more terrifying than my schedule looks today. There are those who are stuck in life and are not getting anything out of life. Those who will question, today or tomorrow, the meaning of their existence. Those who will be miserable “for no reason” (actually they’re not able to identify the reason).

And then there are those who will break free from that. Those who receive a key from God which opens a door into the rest of their lives. Because I was once stuck, and He took me out of there. It all started with an innocent little job I didn’t even apply for… that job was all it took for me to get my life back on track and to evolve as a human being. From last fall to this one, I have had one hell of a productive year. And maybe I am… just a little bit proud of that…

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