It’s a very surrealistic moment when it happens to you. One day, all of a sudden, you find yourself standing where so many others have stood before you. You find yourself thinking the same thoughts and you see the same horror growing on your face as you realize the implications of what’s actually going on. You’ve seen it many times in movies, but they have never prepared you for this moment. In a sense maybe you didn’t even expect it so early… the thought of it has always been in a future so distant you’ve never thought about it. I’m talking about that moment when you look at yourself in the mirror and something happens that has never happened before. You see this face countless times everyday, but right at this moment the person staring back at you isn’t who s/he used to be. Something is very alien about this person. You move closer to the mirror to confirm your suspicions. Yep, there they are. Microscopic as they may be, fine lines are showing on your face.
The horror is there not because I’m showing signs of age physically, but because mentally I’m not prepared. I’m scared that I’m not enough of an adult for this. I’m scared that I don’t take enough responsibility and that I don’t know enough things. Yet when I think about it I become amazed at how much I have managed to successfully explain to people for the past few years. I become amazed at those situations when suddenly I do something very adult-like. Like today for example, when we were on our way out from our cousin’s place and Rayan was leaving with my cousin’s son’s toy car. At first I tried to take it out of his hand like when a kid thinks share force will open the locked door. But then it was like someone was watching and took over my body. I took out Rayan’s own car and asked him if he wanted it. As soon as he grasped for it, naturally his other hand loosened, if even slightly. I took the opportunity to quickly take the other boy’s car and return it before he even realized what was going on.
I never used to be a very patient person. My mom has always complained on that fact. Whenever she needed help with something, I’d lose patience and start yelling when she didn’t get it for the umpteenth time. Yet today I’m working as a student coach. I have proved myself and am doing things I never thought I’d be able to. Others have started believing in me, and I feel more confident than ever. God is granting the prayers of some people who really care about me. And those people have learned to look pass my rough exterior and understand what I’m all about.
If I get all this, am I not enough adult? Are the fine lines not appearing in the right time? I was looking at myself through the camera lens and realized that I’m too old for this. And you know what? It’s fine.