Life is funny. It gives you small surprises every now and then. I’m okay with those. What I’m not okay with is teasing. Sometimes life shows you a glimpse of something you realize you really really want, only to put a solid adamant wall between you and it to make sure you know you can never have it. Why does life do that? Why all this hope? To keep us going? What if today, right now, I choose to stop hoping?

I’m a little bit sick today. Seem to have caught some kind of a cold. Whenever I feel like this, everything feels worse. I become depressed and end up not doing anything productive all day. This despite how sunny it is outside today… which I should be enjoying considering the arrival of fall. Yet I can’t. Too much strength is required of me to hope.

Why can’t diligence, an honest approach and the constant strife for personal betterment be enough? What is the secret ingredient? What am I missing here? What is wrong with me?