With great sadness I discouraged search engines from finding my blog a few weeks ago. Why? Well… I’m not superstitious, but I do want to do as much as possible to increase every inch of a chance I might have to go on real job interviews. Okay it’s even starting to sound like hypocrisy in my own ears, considering my name change and all… which did have not so little to do with the official world of school, work and people I need to make an impression on to be able to make a decent living in this world. Regardless of this little embarrassing fact which clearly bursts the bubble of my own vain belief that not all of us are corruptible, I know that I’m never going to get this blog to the point where its stats become important; my content doesn’t always hold the same class, and not even the bestest of posts have star quality, that which requires an immense server of knowledge in the brain. You know… the kind of knowledge where you throw in a lot of words no real person uses anyway; add some political stuff that’s supposed to be general knowledge but which always manages to go straight over my head (now might be a perfect time to point out my social retardedness); and of course, finish with a line that makes every loser feel like “tomorrow I’m going to save the world”. [The OCD part of me wants to apologize and express my non-desire to offend anybody, but I guess it’s a bit too late for that.] No… my blog will remain as it is for as long as I lead this uneventful life. Nevertheless, discouraging search engines (whether Google decides to accept the request or not) might mean less traffic… and that is sad…
It’s easier than twenty years ago to become famous now. But the definition of fame might be changing. I mean I don’t believe I’m famous for instance, even though I have 116 followers of this blog. Assuming that up to half of them read most of what shows up on their Readers, I have 58 strangers reading all about my life. Still… that doesn’t make me famous. Twenty years ago, I might have said differently.
It gets to your head it does. Because once, I used to write in journals… by hand. Slowly but surely, that grew into journal-keeping on the internet… which eventually resulted in blogging. Why do I blog? Why do I want people to read about things that don’t concern them – or any essential part of society for that matter – anyway? I think the more important question is why people read this. If they didn’t read it, blogging wouldn’t even be a possibility for me. Sorry guys, I shouldn’t talk about you as if you weren’t there… you are after all, reading this. And it’s because you do that what I do becomes blogging and a desire for readers… that raw desire almost all of us has for acknowledgement.
Or maybe it’s just a way to bypass getting into the world of People. As I can’t stand being in the midst of people, maybe I have a secret wish to… well… stand in the spotlight. There, where people will surround me and see me. If you haven’t figured it out already, I’d make the perfect villain (who, of course, repents in the end!). Maybe all of it boils down to the loneliness I’ve felt ever since I entered this world (yes I had a lonely childhood as well. It might have something to do with how I learned how to turn pages right after learning how to sit by my own, which is documented on video). Oh c’mon, every villain needs a pitiful back-story ;)!