Neurotic Happiness

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Do you guys sometimes get scared when everything’s going well? I do. I’m not scared that this feeling will disappear, but that it will disappear abruptly. Life is not really known for its smooth transitions, you know? I’m scared that tomorrow morning will be the opposite of this morning, and that something will happen that will make my heart sink. And this paranoia always follows me whenever I’m happy, which makes me somewhat of a neurotic freak. The only times I’ve managed to be happy without being scared recently has been after the birth of both of my nephews. But that’s because they weren’t my own children. If they were… I’m sure I’d be terrified.

Today my last essay of the semester is due, Rayan is coming home, someone called who is interested in buying my [and mom’s] slightly dysfunctional laptop, I just ordered my first MacBook, and mom was offered a job. So many things at once… something’s guaranteed to burst! It feels like trying to hold up an incredibly loose pair of pants; that’s how I’m trying to hold all these good things intact until their time is gone. That’s all I want really; that good things don’t end abruptly.

Does this explain a little bit why, in the past, I’ve mostly been in a negative mood? I really want to agree with you guys when you tell me too cheer up, but you have no idea how wobbly my sense of happiness is. Can anyone else relate to this or am I seriously neurotic?


8 thoughts on “Neurotic Happiness

  1. This sentence was spot on! What a comparison!

    ” It feels like trying to hold up an incredibly loose pair of pants; that’s how I’m trying to hold all these good things intact until their time is gone. “


  2. Well I agree with you to a point Norah/Rinth (:P). I try not to worry about the bad things that are coming (maybe tomorrow) and sometimes I can get bogged down by them when they happen (all at once sometimes). But I try to be philosophical about it all for most of the time. When good happens, I accept it as a blessing and try to enjoy it as much as it deserves. When bad happens, I don’t dwell on it too much or too long. We have to accept the bad when it happens as a natural part of life. Without it, we wouldn’t enjoy the good. 🙂


    1. Of course… but what I mean is… I’m not worried about bad things happening in general, what I’m worried about specifically is that the good things that I plan on enjoying will either not come or somehow be destroyed. For example, if I buy something and accidentally damage it before I can even use it or if I plan on doing something and that plan is cancelled. You see what I mean?


      1. I do – but I’m not sure my point changes much. Plan for good things but if something happens then, well, you know, it happens. Good will happen next time. Or the next… 🙂


        1. Yeah I know… it’s just I’ve spent a large portion of my life being depressed for no reason at all… so it’s really difficult to recover from every letdown. It’s extremely difficult to explain as well… you once posted or reblogged a post someone wrote about these kind of stuff… becoming depressed for no reason at all etc.


          1. Yeah, it easily happens – to me as well (in fact, as I write, I’m going through it) but the trick is to let yourself bounce back and get back on to enjoying the good things as they happen. 🙂


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