So I mentioned earlier that my mom’s reaction to my decision of studying English instead of Legal Science was a reaction I expected. What I meant by that is that it was negative. That’s okay, I’m used to it. Mom has always compared me to other children and always wished her children were those other children. I know there are parents out there who must feel extremely self-conscious now, but don’t try to defend my mom. I stopped seeing her as a mother and more like a human being a long time ago, and I’ve come to realize that she’s one of those people who are completely oblivious to her flaws. Again; something I’m used to.
I thought she’d just leave it at that day, but today she said something that enraged me so much that if I were a dragon, I would have set the whole neighborhood on fire. I told her that they only gave me work in August at Sweden Post Stamps (because they only had 10 vacancies for the summer and 17 people showed interest), and you know what she said? She said I shouldn’t have quit there last year, that I should have continued working. WHAT THE FRIGGIN HELL?!?! Don’t get me wrong, I do love working there, but obviously I don’t plan on working with packaging stamps and sending them off for the rest of my life! Oh sorry, I forgot the most important point. I answered her that I had to quit so I could study, “it’s not like I’m just sitting at home.” And her answer? “But you are sitting at home.”
It didn’t make much sense, did it? Let me explain something further about my dear mother. My mom erases information from her head that she deems irrelevant. Basically everything that has to do with my life is irrelevant, especially my own choices. So whatever I told her the other day about my plans, she deleted from her mind. To her, I stopped studying the moment I moved back to Stockholm. Not graduating in Legal Science = not studying. Oh I’ll show her alright… if God wills, I’m going to master in English Literature if it so kills me! Before, it was all about showing my brothers – I never actually thought a day would come when I’d have to prove something to my mom. Parents are usually proud of their children regardless.
Let me go further back and explain the intricacy of my mother’s brain. When she was young, she wanted to become a doctor. She didn’t because she had to get married. At least that’s what she says. I don’t believe her. You know why? Because she got many proposals but turned them all down. She even hid when they came to look at her! I think she just didn’t have it in her to study medicine, and what she said was simply an excuse.
Anyway, when she herself couldn’t become a doctor, she wanted one of her children to choose that path. None did. As I’m her last child, I was her last hope. So now it means that whatever I do, as long as it’s not science, it doesn’t count. Oh no hold on… her last hope isn’t me actually; it’s her son-in-law. That’s right, she wants me to marry a doctor. And it’s for this precise reason that I have made a vow not to marry a doctor. Over my dead body. As you might have understood by now, I don’t like being told what to do; I’ll often do the opposite of what I’m told (yes I’m an obvious victim for reverse psychology).
Anyway, if God grants me the permission to publish a book, remind me to not dedicate it to my dear mother. It’s not like she cares or would appreciate it anyway. Which is funny actually as she loves reading. Oh too bad…