I’m sitting in the library at school feeling very very sad about the choices I’ve made in life. You don’t move away for years studying something you eventually decide to leave unfinished… one year is acceptable maybe… but not three. I’m so angry at myself. Never ever during all of my school years has there been any doubt about my skills in languages, especially not in English. Then why did I not choose the language oriented program in high school and why am I not getting my Masters in Literature or whatever the hell I want now? Why in the name of everything that has a name do I always always always waste so much time? Why do I always let myself and everybody around me down? Why can’t I do a single thing right?

Maybe I haven’t asked enough people to pray for me. Maybe I have been mean towards people or haven’t been kind enough. Maybe I should have given my seat up for more old people. Maybe I should have given money to every single poor person I have seen on the streets. Maybe I should have helped mom more. Maybe I should be more empathic.

Some people have a different time perspective. For them, life is until you grow old and die. For me, life is until you’re in an accident; until you have a stroke because of the diseases running in your family; until you become afflicted with an illness which gives you severe disabilities. Life is right now, until right now passes.

No… there must be something I did right. I became a friend of someone who needed one; I taught my nephew words; I read books; I gave ideas; I encouraged; I gave the right answers. There must be something I did right.

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