It’s so easy to guide other people – it’s impossible to guide yourself. I need a guide now more than ever before. Why now, when nothing is going wrong? Well, because I finally dare admit that I do need a guide. I have always and am still extremely self-conscious, so I thought I would never need anyone to keep me on track. Unfortunately I am starting to have… identity-blackouts – I lose sight of myself at times.
People don’t take me seriously, and I understand that it all lies in my demeanor… and maybe also on me not having achieved anything in life. If I go on like this I am afraid I will break again, and that this time it will be worse than before. The problem is that people are all so extremely practical-minded. You tell them you’re down, they tell you to keep yourself busy. If it really were that easy, would I be here now? I spent the whole 2012 restoring every piece of broken bone inside my soul, so I know every trick in the book. I also know the tricks to use when you don’t want to use the tricks. That’s how much I have learned to care about myself. But it all goes to waste if I give up now. I don’t want to, but I also know I can’t do this without someone pointing things out for me. Because if the world hasn’t become blurry, then my vision has.