When I’m hurt or angry, I come to the blogosphere. I also come here when I’m feeling euphoric. I don’t go to people because people don’t exist.

People don’t praise or encourage, yet they bathe in the stuff while you pour it on them. People don’t see you, they only see a shell; because truly seeing you would mean actually having to pay attention to things, and they’re too busy taking care of themselves to do that. People forget, while you remember. After a point you start making yourself invisible because the pain is too much; you try to show how insignificant you are, but it doesn’t work because they’re still not paying attention. You retire into your cave and they judge you, not even thinking about the possibility that something might be wrong with you… that you might be hurt.

In the big picture though, I am insignificant. They don’t believe they are, so they might not be. But I am, and I will be. Because believing that I am something means taking a huge risk, and I prefer to stay safe.

 

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7 thoughts on “

  1. I can understand what you mean here Rinth but sorry to say I disagree – I don’t think you are insignificant at all. In fact, I will be entertaining a friend I’ve never met before in a few days time all on the strength that they know you! So you are significant to me.

    And that means you MUST be significant to others too… 🙂

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    1. Thank you Ken. It really means a lot to hear something like that. I guess sometimes I focus too much on a certain part of my life.

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    1. Maybe not… but it’s so difficult trying to succeed when you’re in the wrong environment, you know. I feel like I’ve constantly had to say to people that this is who I am and this is what I’m good at. It’s never been evident. And I don’t like going around saying stuff like that. The people around me are as far from observant as you can get. You have to poke a finger into their eyes to make them actually see you, you know. And I know I shouldn’t care about them, but I’m living amongst them… maybe I should win the lottery and buy an island of my own :P.

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      1. Sounds great, but you know it’s not going to happen. It’s definitely hard to go on when you are in a wrong environment and people around you don’t seem to be able to see you for who you really are. Don’t EVER let them change who you are… And have hope, there’s a limit to how bad things can get. If this is the worst, then it has to get better now on… 🙂

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        1. Yeah I know. I’ve let a people change me before, and ended up being someone I hate. So I’m never making that mistake again! I don’t know if this is the worst, I always believe “it could have been worse”, because there are people out there for whom problems like mine would be called “luxury problems”. I think what’s worse than bad is that middle ground where everything is just plain.

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