She is worried. She spends too much time everyday thinking about the things she doesn’t have in life. She knows that it’s human nature to always yearn for something. She doesn’t think it’s possible to shut off needs. One or the other need… for some reason needs to be there. She doesn’t know why and she doesn’t care to find out because it doesn’t matter.
She imagines that if somebody else was going through all of this, she would think of that person as ungrateful. How can you complain when you have a roof over your head, a job, family and friends who love you and are there for you when you need them? If everything is alright and stable, why be depressed?
She thinks people can’t live without a certain amount of drama in their lives. Stable is boring, so something inside you starts speculating and mixing theories with reality. You start seeing things that aren’t there, or you become depressed… or you feel like you want to give up on everything.
She wants to be grateful for all that she has. She says she is, she knows she is. But she doesn’t feel that she is… at least not during the moments when she thinks she lacks things.
Actually not things – people. Despite having some very close friends, she wants more. She tries to bond with some people at work but for some reason it doesn’t work. She doesn’t know why. She thinks something is wrong with her, but she can’t really put a finger on it and she doesn’t know how to change things.
And she wishes to have someone special in her life. Because she needs someone to text, someone to have plans with for the weekend, someone to break news to, someone to take to places where nobody else wants to go, someone to see her for what she truly is. Someone to help her find herself again.
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