Me, the Introvert

I have this thing where I’m always detached from people. There is this reflex that pushes me away if someone comes too close, both physically and mentally. I can’t stand if someone stands too close to me (front of me, that is. For some weird reason, I’m okay with people standing beside or behind me. I mean otherwise I probably wouldn’t even be able to walk on the streets!), for example. Can’t look longer than a few seconds into people’s eyes. Proximity intimidates me. And I think that’s why, even today, I have such a hard time making friends and nurturing friendships.

I don’t know how to overcome this. I’ve managed to lock myself in and I have no clue where the key is to getting out; to dare. I feel safest within myself. I enjoy nights in bed in front of the TV with only a blanket as company more than anything else. Solitude. Yet I hate feeling lonely. And these contradictory emotions are driving me insane.

How am I supposed to ever get what I want being the person I am? Or am I wanting the wrong things? Should I adjust my wishes to the kind of person I am today? But then again… how can you adjust a wish?

But I know that, despite the stable phase in life I’m going through right now, a change needs to grow inside me. I want the safest route to that change but… maybe there is no safe route. Maybe I simply gotta put myself out there.

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9 thoughts on “Me, the Introvert

    1. You’re right!

      I’ve been okay. What about you? Yaaaay!!! You’ll be back soon :D! Best of luck buddy! Hope that exam will go awesome!

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  1. I had this blogger friend who happened to be a medical student at a medical college in Dhaka. My friend and I went to visit her one day and after about one hour of chitchatting, she told me that I had an issue. She told me the term (that I’ve forgotten) to search on Wikipedia. I looked it up on Wikipedia and the symptoms matched me.

    The symptom that she caught on me was that I wasn’t looking directly into her eyes for more than seconds even when I’m talking to her.

    Perhaps you should see psychiatrist. 😀

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  2. Give yourself a chance Rinth – you’re still young and your writings show a powerful, intelligent and deep young woman. You will come to accept who you are and develop who you will be and then you’ll find yourself becoming master of your environment. Take risks when you want to but don’t be forced into any of it. Give yourself time. You’re special! You just don’t realise it yet 🙂

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    1. Thank you Ken :). Your words mean a lot to me.

      It’s just that… whenever I look around I see all these people who interact and walk around in this world so effortlessly. It’s like everything is built inside them – they just know how to be. And even though 23 is quite young… time goes fast and before I know it I might wonder why I didn’t do the right thing at the right time. Because even though there is plenty of time in life (if God gives it); youth is a very short period of life. And it’s during youth that we have the energy and the capability to actually set things in motion.

      Like

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