Sometimes I feel like a victim. A victim of what? Well… of the seemingly conspiratorial forces that life is constantly conducting to make me feel sorry for myself. The problem is; I’ve held it inside for too long. Why, you ask. Well, see there is this thing about being a muslim where you absolutely cannot and should not complain about your life… or about anything else that God has given you for that matter. But what am I supposed to do when I feel what I feel? You can’t always suppress your emotions or succeed in thinking differently and changing your perspective. Sometimes stuff happen and you can’t help but feel like “why?”, “why me?” and “why now?”. This despite knowing deep within that God is probably
only testing your patience. What am I supposed to do anyway? I can’t be angry at God, can I? So let me at least be angry with my life.
Sometimes… you’re hurting/behaving rudely with someone just because that person is doing the same thing. Maybe the other person started it – and despite knowing since the sandbox that it doesn’t matter who did, you find yourself continuing the battle. After a while the feud grows so stale, you barely even remember how it started. The hatred is still there though, and as time goes the ice gets thicker and thicker.
It has never been too difficult for me to say sorry… outside my home that is. When it comes to domestic matters… we don’t really have a culture of expressing emotions in our family. In fact, because I used to while I was a teenager (mood swings… duh!), I was even called “soft-minded”. So whenever someone does express some strong emotion, e g says they’re sorry, it’s a big and awkward deal.
Imagine then, having had or not had an argument with someone in a family like this… which lasts for months which grow into years… and the more time goes the more the doors of communication close. Sometimes you can leave everything in the past and slowly start interacting and talking as usual. But when you barely look at each other…