People change. It’s natural. Some people don’t. And some people don’t believe that people change. But I do. I do it so much that I actually presume that everyone will change sooner or later.
I have changed. A lot. I used to be shy (actually frightened is probably a word that better describes it), quiet(er) and had zero self-esteem. That’s back when my relatives loved me.
Then I fell into a dark pit and things got worse. My relatives… loved me even more?
Then I climbed up from the pit. I released myself from everything that kept me from being me. I retraced my steps and found my old passions. I matured. I learned to love myself. I gained confidence. This is when my relatives start to dislike me. Note; despite knowing partly about the hell I went through.
Confidence to them somehow means cockyness. Despite the fact that I was downright miserable a big part of my life, at least I was quiet and “listened” to what everybody said. Like hell I did. And my family knows that better than anyone. I never listened. The difference between me then and now is that I can finally rely on myself… which I didn’t know how to before.
I’m not the one to please people. That has never been a strength of mine. I want to be invisible and not let my performances in life show because I don’t want people to expect things from me. I can’t live up to those. People tend to get used to good things too fast, and have a hard time accepting that things aren’t going their way. And I can’t be a puppet on a string.
But it hurts. Some people forget that happiness matters. It’s all about their ingredients for a successful life. It doesn’t matter if you’re happy with yourself and focus on being a good person. You know why? Cuz you already are.
If we, for the sake of simplicity, presume that a person who isn’t bad is good; then one could say I’m a good person. But that doesn’t matter.
My relatives talk a lot of bullshit about “bad people”. They praise girls who study ambitiously and/or behave well. However… people like me? Well we’re just messups. Cuz being good-hearted is never enough. It always needs to be accompanied with good grades and a perfect husband.
Well you know what? I’ll gladly be the freak in a world filled with “perfect” people. Cuz that means I have a chance to evolve.
As someone once said…
I find imperfection the most interesting thing about a person.
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