“Will 2018 be the year I…”
That’s me talking to myself. A part of me is stupid like that, buys into the fantasy that somehow a digit change in the Gregorian calendar, or my birthday for that matter, will bring with it something new.
Newness. My generation seems to have developed an innate difficulty of being content for any longer period of time. We’ve become so used to new apps being developed, new models of our phone brand beng released every year (incidentally, I actually dreamt I got myself a Samsung Galaxy S8, even though in real life I’ve decided to, for once, be satisfied with my S7 until it stops functioning properly), new sequels and iterations of our favorite movies being spewed out like volcanic eruptions. There’s no time for us to process anything, before another thing takes its place. And that, naturally, affects our mindsets in general. How will we ever achieve world peace, if we can’t even find peace within ourselves?
(Ok, maybe I’m going a bit overboard in my attempt of returning to the blogosphere in a sophisticated way. I keep thinking that if I change my writing style, I’ll attract more sensible readers. Ok I’m sorry, but it’s just that the mostly dead comment section of this blog only seem to attract mansplaining outsiders who think they can relate to me. Sorry again, but think about it and you’ll know it’s true. Unless you’re a woman, of course. And if you’re not a woman and you’re offended, well then you obviously don’t know me as well as you think.)
So, true to my generation, I too seek newness. The sensible part of me keeps reminding me that this is the longest I’ve gone without having any real problems in my life. Whilst the other part, the ruling one, keeps yearning for disruptions. It thinks my life has been stagnant for too long. It thinks that what is still right now, will eventually start to move backwards.
I’ve learned about true patience being an active, and not passive, process. Gratitude can probably be an active process as well, maybe it has something to do with giving back. But I don’t know how to feel it. To be honest, I’ve only felt gratitude in short bursts. True gratitude however, I imagine is the expression of being satisfied with your life. True gratitude for me, would be remembering those years when I always had at least one big problem breathing down my neck, when I yearned for exactly what I have right now. How can I expect for my prayers to be granted, when I can’t even appreciate the ones that have?
I would like to say that my mission for 2018 will be to appreciate everything that I have, but to be honest, I think I need to start by learning what appreciation really is.
Featured image captured by me.